06.26.09
Posted in Human Behavior, Things that annoy me at 2:52 pm by PsychicDonut
*Sigh* I am pretty sure I’ll get bashed for this, but hey, it’s just my opinion. The more I think about it, the more I realize I SHOULD have studied psychology. Maybe that would explain to me why people are the way they are, or maybe why I just don’t quite fit in.
I always liked Michael Jackson; that is until he went to the dark side. I actually own a couple CDs of his and thought that “Thriller” was one of the best songs ever. For the first few years I didn’t quite understand why he got so bashed for his strange, ever changing appearance. Let’s face it people, the man was eccentric and that is what one can afford to be when one has tons of money. Who the hell cares if he wanted to be white? Aren’t there tons of white people out there trying to be black? People get confused on this planet, a LOT, and people are notorious about not wanting to be who they are, but would much rather be someone or something else. Go to India! One of the highest selling products over there? Bleaching cream! But I digress.
So, the guy had weird plastic surgeries and started looking more and more grotesque as the years went by. Then there was the whole Neverland thing and finally the accusations of him being a child molester. I honestly didn’t think that he was a pedophile. I thought the biggest crime of this poor, tortured soul named Michael was that the man never really grew up, and sure as hell was NOT a man. I think he was like a Peter Pan kinda guy, and I think he hung out with kids not to hurt them or touch them, but because he was one of them. I think he was a “childvestite,” a child trapped in a man’s body!
Now, regardless of what went down, most people, news articles and stories depicted him as a freak. He was the laughing stock and target for many funny comedy shows and numerous jokes I’ve heard over the years. Quite honestly, I was indifferent about it. Yes, the man made, at one point in his life amazing music. Then he just became weirder and weirder. The fact that he never really explained any of the rumors or stories away didn’t help him. I lost interest in him a good ten years ago, if not more.
Fast forward until yesterday. Michael Jackson dies, breaks the Internet (apparently searches for him had crashed numerous sites) and suddenly he is the “King of Pop” again. Suddenly he, too, reaches saintly status. Suddenly we remember how awesome he was, even though no one has given a flying rat’s ass about him in aeons. “The world mourns the loss of Michael Jackson.” Is that so??? I mean, I have been following the status updates on Facebook and just shake my head. A lot of the people who are so shocked would have never dared to admit that they are fans of his, had he not died.
I don’t get it. I don’t understand why people who die become suddenly saints or a hero of some kind. I am just amazed about this psychological phenomenon where people forget how creepy, or not ok in the head someone truly was. I think what is truly sad here is the fact that he was brought back to huge stardom not by making more amazing music, but by dying. I think therein lies the true tragedy. Apparently death works to wipe all your slates clean, regardless of who you are. Who knew how loved Michael really was? I am sure he had no friggin’ clue about all the love, while he was hiding from all the haters in the Middle East. I guess he was wrong, turns out he was loved by millions across the globe. They just temporarily forgot.
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06.25.09
Posted in Miscellaneous at 7:18 pm by PsychicDonut
I realized today that I haven’t played WoW in a good three months. I am probably kicked out of any guilds and can’t even remember how many characters I have on how many different realms. Apparently, my subscription also ran out on June 11th.
It seems as if gaming is something only a certain breed of people really gets into. I used to think it was people like me. I was the nerdish, definitely not so cool kid in school, I liked keeping to myself and I had a slightly addictive/OCD kinda personality. I could get into things that involved a lot of imagination for hours. I never played D&D, but come to think of it, I’d probably been awesome at it.
It used to be a dirty kind of secret to be a gamer. One would immediately get the stamp of “total loser” attached to it, unless one looks kind of cool, in which case you’d be elevated to “total geek.” I never really did care to be part of the cool crowd and I was very proud to be the only female in my Diablo II Hardcore guild.
I am honestly amazed to see what gaming has become. The graphics on some of these games are absolutely stunning. The ability to get totally lost within another world, pretending to be some kind of hero or cool being, especially when life isn’t all that great in reality, makes it a perfect escape for some, and an awesome pastime for others. I have been both, the one who needed an escape and the one who liked to have a fun pastime that did not include driving (driving in Los Angeles IS a total nightmare), going to bars, clubs, or other “social” places (for reasons I don’t even care to get into) and leaving the comfort of my home.
I wished more people would game, although I DO know how addictive it is for some. I HAVE lost with past men when it came to spending time with me, or spending time with the game of their choice. But there is something to be said about healthy, harmless running about, being someone else. Maybe what I am trying to say is that I wished that more of us would still have the ability to be a kid without hurting ourselves or others.
I think I will still be playing some kind of game when I am old and gray!
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Posted in Human Behavior at 11:08 am by PsychicDonut
I have noticed something rather strange today and that is how much we sometimes live our lives kind of isolated and how we are reducing our communication to status comments on social networking sites and so on. It is also rather interesting how deleting people from your profile is either seen as passive aggressive (which it actually is for some people who prefer to not talk to the person who offended them), or as totally insulting.
I have weeded out quite a few people from my Facebook within the past week or so. I deleted about 40 people and I didn’t do it because I hate them or can’t stand them. I merely deleted the people who never talk to me, have no interest in my life whatsoever and don’t really add to my life. It’s not necessarily that they are distracting either but I find things much easier to manage when I have business colleagues and friends only on my site. It also greatly reduces the risk of posting anything that might offend someone, or anything that feeds into any rumor mills of any cliques or groups.
I remember when I used to be on MySpace, Livejournal and Facebook. I also remember what constant sources of drama and bullshit were fed especially through Livejournal and MySpace. It got to the point where it started ruining my moods and allowed the wrong people in. I remember finding out that I was “in a relationship” not because I actually was, but because the guy I was with finally decided to no longer pretend to be “single.” I remember when my therapist asked me “does ANYTHING positive come from any of these sources?” I shook my head and got quiet. I felt ashamed about how much something so stupid could run my life.
It was scary, believe it or not to delete my pages on MySpace and Livejournal. Not until a few months later did it actually feel liberating. Facebook never did scare me because it is set up in a different way and is pretty drama free. Maybe this is due to the fact that more than half of my Facebook “friends” are business associates/ex Yahoo co-workers.
Yes, communication between people has definitely changed. We hardly ever call each other, instead we text, email, twitter (another phenomenon I just can’t get into), leave status updates on Facebook (some change them about every hour) and we blast our lives on the Internet for the world to see. Nothing is private anymore, unless you play it safe in the opposite direction and hide behind all these pages to “spy” on your “friends” without ever revealing a thing about yourself.
I used to put so much stock in all of these things. To a degree I still do have the wrong idea about “friends.” Yes, I still think that “friends” owe you some kind of basic maintenance to at least sometimes say “hello,” or to wish you luck, or congratulate you, etc. I also think that “friends” owe you a honest conversation if you offended them. To me “friends” are not just faces on some networking site I see when I go through my “friends” list. But having my idea of friendship helps me then to delete those who simply ignore me and my life. It makes things easier.
Life has become more simple this year and a bit more complicating in some areas. I have been stripped of my securities and all the things I deemed so important. Losing my job and livelihood were the scariest things I ever had to endure, while allowing me to focus on what I wanted and what was important. Most of my self-worth had come from my career, when it was taken from me I felt naked, insecure and worthless to a degree.
Above all though, I learned yet again the true power of friendship and love. Throughout being unemployed, a bad economy, fear of losing my home, finding Andrew, getting married and swinging wildly between the extremes of bliss and devastation, I learned not only who my friends were but also how many friends I actually have. What was really amazing to me was that some people I would never have expected came out of the woodworks to brighten my day, or life in some way, while others simply vanished (no, this does not include my four musketeer best friends). Learning all this has given me the “strength” to say “I do not dislike or hate you and I don’t have negative feelings towards you, but that doesn’t mean I need you to be part of my life.”
I had to learn how to set boundaries and I learned a great deal about that. For that I am thankful. Turns out, friends are the ones who call you to see how you are, who take you clothes shopping because you have no sense of style, who tell you a joke, give you a hug, who tell you that they are proud of you and that they believe in you. Friends are people who tell you that you inspire them and people who inspire you; those who challenge you to grow as a person and call you on your bullshit. Friends are in your face honest, not to hurt you or lash out at you, but because they care. Friends are interested in your life and what you do, even if it is only once every few months. Friends are not lifeless pictures or body count on websites, and friends are not people I may have met many years ago and have no connection with anymore at all. Come to think of it, it’s pretty easy: Friends are ACTIVELY in your life, even though it may only be once in a while!
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06.20.09
Posted in Human Behavior, Things that annoy me at 1:37 pm by PsychicDonut
I saw a commercial today for one of the humane societies, asking people to donate. The picture portrayed a terribly abused little mixed dog with his eyes swollen shut. Whenever I see pictures like that it breaks my heart and at the same time makes me incredibly angry. I don’t get it. What kind of human being has it within himself to torture another being. I don’t care if we are talking animals or children, women, or other men. I just do not understand what happens in the brain of a person who beats a living creature half to death; unprovoked and for no apparent reason.
I always chuckle when I hear how the human race is regarded as the most intelligent and evolved on this planet. And yet, only humans kill for fun or hurt for fun. Animals, considered less evolved than us kill for survival and food. Isn’t it amazing how a less evolved species does not violate life as easily as we do?
Every time I see pictures of abused children or animals I want to ask the people who did it why. No, I do not feel a need to beat them in return, I just want to throw them in a prison cell and lose the key forever. I understand how psychologically certain behaviors come about in theory, but then I just can’t grasp it in practice. I am not even able to raise my hand to slap someone. Somehow hitting is not something I can muster. I don’t understand how these lines are being crossed by those who beat others half to death. I want to know what happens from the time the thought travels from the brain to the fist or hand of a torturer, murderer, rapist, child molester and so on. I want to know where the humanity of such a person goes. I want to know if they are completely void of pity, sympathy or remorse.
I fail to understand how they do it, and I fail to understand what qualifies them as human beings and an evolved species.
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06.19.09
Posted in Humor/Funny at 11:53 pm by PsychicDonut
Today I realized yet again how strange people get over gadgets. Granted, I don’t really understand it, but it is fascinating nonetheless to watch human conditioning at its finest. Ok, maybe it’s not so much conditioning but it definitely IS marketing. Apparently sometimes these things seem to fail me altogether.
It was Andrew’s birthday a week ago and he wanted the new iPhone. From what I understand this thing can do anything and everything. It probably makes a damn good cup of tea, amongst other things too. So, today we ventured to the Apple store at The Grove to purchase said item.
Now, I must admit that I am already prejudice towards The Grove, because I hate crowds and I definitely am mesmerized, in a bad way, about consumerism and how well it works, even in our “weak” economy. So we get to the store to find a huge line. According to the nice sales kid we, too, can have the new iPhone, if we stand in line for three hours! Somehow this didn’t really discourage any of the brave shoppers at all. Patiently they stood there, waiting to purchase a phone; a $300 phone! Fortunately for me Andrew also hates crowds, so we decided to venture to the Apple store in Pasadena.
I think Andrew would definitely have qualified for the Grand Prix or some Nascar event! He was driving like a maniac, because we HAD to get to the store before it closed! One cannot wait any longer, given the fact that one has “been excited for the past few weeks about it coming out.” I was baffled but hey, if the man wants an iPhone for his birthday I will get him one.
We arrived in Pasadena and there was no line. They had managed the crowds differently and so we walked straight in, right before they closed. Andrew was parking the car and I was in the store asking the sales kid “it’s a phone! What is the big deal about it?” He explained it to me but somehow the stuff he was saying failed to impress me the way it apparently impresses everyone else. We got Andrew’s phone, transferred his stuff over from his old phone and left.
I am still a bit baffled. Why would anyone stand in line, namely for hours, for a gadget!? I mean, unless the thing does my laundry, cleans my house and cooks for me, I simply don’t get it. Do I need a compass on my phone? Uhm, no! Do I need to be able to be constantly online? Not so much! Maybe I DO need to play Vampire Wars whilst sitting on the toilet, but somehow I doubt that too. I think I am missing the gene where this kind of stuff makes me jump and down with excitement, or even remotely amazes me.
I have had the same phone for two years. It texts, I can call people and even take pictures. Whoohoo! I think I am good and hey, I didn’t have to stand in line to obtain it. Meanwhile, my husband is currently lost in the bathroom, probably playing Solitaire on his new iPhone 
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Posted in Human Behavior at 2:26 pm by PsychicDonut
Last night I was taken out for dinner from my old Yahoo team and management, to celebrate that I got married recently. We had a great time and I learned that the book I am writing is actually scientifically supported by something called the “Blink” factor. Anyways, we sat and had great food, margaritas and everyone was excited to meet Andrew. He had driven straight from work to the restaurant, even though he was exhausted from having been in the office all day.
When he arrived, Kim asked him all about digital effects and what he does at work, but what interested people the most was how we had met. So I told them about the OKCupid site and how I kept seeing him on my “stalker” page but he wouldn’t contact me. This is when Andrew told his perception of me, which I thought was pretty enlightening.
He said that he was immediately attracted to me. He said I came across smart, articulate, hot, beautiful and kind and he definitely liked the fact that I was dark. I gave him a puzzled look and said “but there is nothing dark about me.” Everyone on the table disagreed. I got a bit scared, because “dark” is the last thing I want to portray and then got the best explanation ever. The girls said that “dark” to them meant that I am not conventional and don’t look mainstream. But it was Andrew who provided the most interesting and detailed explanation. We all thought it was the best and most articulate explanation ever.
He said that “dark” does not correspond to a person’s energy, or way of being. It has very little to do with their personality, but everything with the way they dress and appear on the outside. He said “dark is just a style, not a way of being! There is not necessarily a negative attached to someone telling you that you are “dark.” Who knew??
He said the reason that he didn’t contact me right away was that I was dark. He always preferred dark girls. He said that my package presented to him was perfect and everything he would go for, but he said “I kind of figured that it might not be a good idea to go after that anymore. Dark in the past meant crazy, psychotic, bi-polar, screwed up and filled with problems and issues, not to mention no direction in life.” He said he was done with that. He said that this had always been what he was attracted to but the price that would come with it was something he no longer wanted to pay. I remembered how he even put in his profile something like “bi-polar need not apply.” He said it was hard for him because he couldn’t resist looking at my profile, which then was something we all discussed. What makes a profile stand out from others!
Turns out, we women (well, if we are business women) will definitely pay attention to spelling and punctuation. We do not give the time of the day to guys who don’t know how to articulate themselves. For men it is the visual aspect first but in Andrew’s case it was also what I had to say and how I said it. He was intrigued enough to keep coming back to my page and reading it and was worried that my “dark style” would mean more of the same of what he had experienced in the past, and yet could not ignore what I had to say about myself. He definitely did read the entire profile and picked up certain queues, such as “worked at Yahoo for many years in management,” “writes her own blog,” etc.
Thank god that my darkness truly is just a style! It would have been an immediate deal-breaker had I been dark in my attitude or demeanor.
I am honestly experiencing the greatest mix of all. I have often doubted myself within the past few years, given the men I attracted and how they treated me. There was this constant thought that I somehow just wasn’t exciting enough to hold anyone’s attention. I had quite a few “stories” in my head and find them reduced to whispers. I always said that compliments from other women or from a gay friend mattered more. They had no ulterior motive and so would speak truthfully about what they saw. I would often wonder how it would be if my man would see me through eyes like that. Turns out, it’s amazing.
I am not perfect but Andrew makes me feel stunningly beautiful. It actually does inspire me to try a lot harder when it comes to my exterior. The fact that he is so proud of me makes me work hard on keeping it that way. He thinks I look hot and even when I am in my worst clothes, like pajamas and don’t wear make-up, I am still “warm.” There is something incredibly intimidating and sexy about the way he will gaze down at me, so self-assured and yet not arrogant. It is the look of a man who knows what he wants and will go after it.
I guess, he is what I wanted too. I always liked “dark” myself. He is tall, black hair, blue eyes and always wears black. He is all dark, but thank god, as a style only. ‘Cause darkness is a style, not a way of being 
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06.18.09
Posted in Human Behavior at 4:26 pm by PsychicDonut
I remember when I was a kid, reading fairy tales and adventure books I had gotten in the library. Geez, my own life and childhood sucked so bad that the only thing I had most of the time were the stories in my head. Oh yeah, I want to slightly modify a great line from “Tropic Thunder” “my head movies sure as hell made my eyes rain a lot.” I would read about princes and princesses, about love conquering all and think to myself “yep, one day that will happen to me!”
I did witness quite a few miracles throughout my life. I found magical connections, learned a lot about different things, traveled, moved across continents and the only true lesson that proved itself over and over was the one that nothing lasts and that there are no guarantees for anything. I saw people go out of their ways to create security for themselves, even if it was mere pseudo-security. Human beings love guarantees and like to think that the things they do will have lasting value. I created my pseudo-security by taking “calculated” risks. If the odds of something not panning out were too great, I wouldn’t even attempt it. I missed out on many great opportunities and sometimes I saved my butt.
As the years continued I found myself caught in conflicting places. I was idealistic to the point of being delusional and at the same time I was skeptical and distrusting of anyone or anything. I figured studying different philosophies and religions would sooner or later take care of that issue and often found myself even more confused. I would be an angel, holding the other cheek, helping others, trying to teach them and kindly extend my hand to everyone, including strangers and at the same time I could be this angry, bitter and unforgiving person, ready to shred you into pieces if I found you guilty of being selfish, mean, harsh or hypocritical. I tried to never be a hypocrite myself and yet that was exactly what I was at times, especially when I would go after someone and beat them with their own weapons.
I got older and better in some things but nothing really made up for the fact that I really did feel as if I belonged nowhere and with no one. It sounds terribly gothic and dramatic and yet, I really DID feel like a broken angel. Most of my beliefs had been beaten out of me and most of the time I felt like I was surviving and defending myself to everyone all the time. I was sad that I never had a true family, namely with a full set of parents and tons of relatives. I was sad that I was not married and did not have children. For the longest time I didn’t want children. I was too afraid I would be a bad mother, or that I would not be patient enough. My relationships I’d often enter with the “shelf-life” in mind. I knew that it was just a matter of time until “he” would find out who I truly am (whatever the hell that was in my head) and would run or cheat. So I’d be the best woman I could be, all the while patiently waiting for the hammer to drop.
Meanwhile, most of the people around me had gotten married and some had kids. I was too busy trying to rescue the world, trying to fix people and taking care of others and never noticed that life was kind of slipping away. I always felt I had more time and that was the story I was sticking with. I figured there was time to figure things out and hey, I had long accepted that maybe all I could ask for was some guy who wouldn’t cheat and had some things in common with me. I figured happiness is what I make it and if nothing at all, I always had the ability to make the best out of every situation, no matter how bleak it seemed.
It was not until I turned 39 and thought “oh shit, I am almost 40″ that it dawned on me that time is not quite so limitless as I thought it was. Maybe the universe agreed. My 39th birthday was a disaster and ended with the grand finale of being dumped by the guy I was with at my best friend’s house on Halloween. He did mean to break up with me the day after my birthday but gave it until Halloween to be completely sure, following a “break” of a month prior in which I never saw him or heard from him. So here I sat at the back steps of my friend’s place and thought “girlfriend, you are doing it wrong!” She and her boyfriend took care of me and said “write a list! You need to stop settling! Write the list of things you MUST HAVE and things you can compromise on. You can NEVER ever compromise on the Must Haves!”
I did write a list, namely right before I flew to Germany to stay with my friend who needed me. I came back on Saturday, I got laid off on Wednesday and thought “YAY! I have no one and nothing at all. That makes it a clean slate, I guess.” I spent Christmas and New Year’s making plans for a better future and found my problem. I started writing a book and finally figured out why I hadn’t found what I truly wanted. I made a vow to never settle again. Sadly, these vows and revelations were originally written down in old posts on my blog here. Posts that are now lost and no longer available, ha.
I released my hurt and anger and felt happy that I was learning to put up boundaries. I went on more dates than I ever did in my entire life, simply so I could say “no.” I also figured out that “dating” isn’t for me and then realized I needed to go back to my roots of the idealist and dreamer, minus the sarcasm and cynicism the rest of the world was sporting. For all that I cared, everyone could go to hell, especially the “nay” sayers. I was happy and no longer afraid.
I met Andrew in March. It was like in one of the great books or movies, such as “The Notebook” or “P.S. I love you,” and after being divorced for 13 years I decided to get remarried. Andrew did propose to me within a month; apparently he felt the same 
Yes, we sure shocked a hell of a lot of people. We were “warned” by numerous sources that we are “rushing” into things, that we should wait, that we don’t know each other and that people are merely “concerned” about us. Interestingly enough, the warnings came from either very unhappy people, or single people. Some, I am sure are sitting there waiting for this to “blow up in our faces” and waiting for us to not make it. The odds ARE against us, given the fact that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. I am a bit luckier than Andrew. This is my second marriage and generally second marriages for people who are “older” have a better chance for survival. However, Andrew is screwed because he has not been married before. He is also three years younger than me.
Within this short time I have learned that numerous people I know had gotten engaged or married within weeks and are still together. I also learned that some who played it “safe” and waited a few years before they got married still got divorced. I guess, time is not an indicator, I guess there is no guarantee, besides the commitment to do your best to not become a statistic.
I am turning 40 in September. It took me 13 years to get remarried. I feel that Andrew is my soulmate and he feels the same about me. What we did is highly unusual and definitely a bit crazy, but sometimes one has to take the plunge in order to win big. I am happy beyond words, even though I am bogged down by trying to find a new job, trying to consolidate households, trying to pack up my house and having so much work ahead of me. But I find that I had been right about one thing most people always made fun of, nothing else truly matters or is all that bad when you love someone and get loved in return. Somehow love does make it all worth while.
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Posted in Miscellaneous at 2:51 pm by PsychicDonut
I’ve listened to the advice from my friends who live in, or near Hollywoood and sampled Trader Joe’s versus Pavilions. It turns out, even here in Hollywood Trader Joe’s is considerably cheaper! My beloved raw almonds, priced at $7.99 at Pavilions were $3.69 at Trader Joe’s. I compared numerous items, including potato chips, filet mignon, vegetables, milk and dairy products and found that Trader Joe’s was at times not only cheaper, but a mere half of what Pavilions charges for the same item, the same brand and the same size!
I have therefore made the decision to rather drive a few blocks further and spend half the money, versus shopping two blocks away and being ripped off. I guess location is not the only factor when one goes shopping for groceries. Store brands also play a huge role.
Apparently there is a Ralph’s not too far from here that is also very cheap, but I think for the time being I’ll stick with Trader Joe’s. I wished I could open my own business. If I only had a good business idea/plan, just to offer some decent prices for something, versus ripping off people in a messed up economy. Turns out, one CAN survive this shitty economy, as long as one does some research and puts some effort into finding cheaper solutions.
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Posted in Human Behavior, Things that annoy me at 12:50 pm by PsychicDonut
Today I am feeling a bit like George Carlin, being straight-forward without wondering whom I might offend. That’s the mood I am in today and that is the mood I am going to write from!
I love the definition of the English word “friend.” In German we do differentiate between friends and acquaintances, but the sunny American people are just friends with everyone. Hey, walk into any department store. I can guarantee that the people working there are also your friends. After all, they call you names like “honey,” or “sweetie,” just try the Mac counter at Nordstrom’s, you’ll see what I mean.
I used to take Americans so literal when I first came here to the US. I remember, for example, people telling me they’d be at my house at 7 PM and them being in total shock when they showed up at around 9 PM and I’d not only blow a fuse but told them off about integrity. I remember when people told me what a “great friend” I am, even though they barely knew me and I’d look at them saying “friends? You don’t even know me.”
It’s been over 16 years since I have lived here and I have grasped the concept of “friend” in Los Angeles by now. I have learned that there are various degrees of friendship, and that includes the “friends” you may have on MySpace or Facebook. I understand that “friend” does not mean you ever talk to these people (again), or that you don’t necessarily care about them, or like them. I understand that sometimes “friend” is just another word for someone you met a long time ago and for some odd reason need to hold on to, even though they no longer add a thing to your life, or never have to begin with. Friends are also co-workers, exes, the friends of exes, people who do your hair, your eyebrows and people you keep seeing at Starbucks every morning. So many friends are floating around in Los Angeles. How blessed we all are!
There is a whole lot of dishonesty going on in our society. Nowadays you know that you’ve pissed someone off when they delete you from the social networking site, they will not have the guts, or decency to tell you to your face, because “friends” don’t need to actually ever talk to each other anymore. We no longer pick up phones, we don’t write letters, or even e-mails, we bash others openly online (preferably in front of a ton of other people for support) and become socially more and more inapt, as well as bigger cowards.
On another note we generally don’t really seem to give a damn about much anyway, unless it really is about ourselves, or shall I say about our ego getting bruised. We seem to be fine and content to get involved into other people’s life, or tell another about our lives, only on a superficial level, maybe not at all. The less we have to share about us, the better. We are either not loyal to people at all, or loyal for wrong reasons. We think supporting another one’s bs is being a “friend” because it kind of means we don’t really have to confront another’s crap, or god forbid, our own stuff. We are mighty content in shoving things under the carpet and pretend they never happened, and we make sure our “friends” are exactly like that! What a great race we have become.
I have FOUR best friends and overall about a dozen friends. I know a lot of people, they are not my friends and I am cool with that. They are great acquaintances. A friend to me is a person I share common interests with, like talking to, respect and admire and like to share time and space with, or someone I can use as a mentor. A BEST friend is someone who knows my deepest, darkest secrets. This is a person I share my life with, my strengths, my weaknesses, my fears, insecurities, I admit my bullshit to, I expect to keep me straight, and tell me off when I behave like a jackass. My best friends inspire me and continuously push me to become a better person. My best friends are family, and I expect them to be just as loyal to me, as I am loyal to them. Anyone who hurts them is NOT my friend and definitely NOT welcome in my life or close proximity. Should they not be able to defend themselves from someone who has wronged them, I will go into battle for them. I have no quarrels kicking butt for someone who hurt the ones I care about.
Loyalty is tricky for me, because I tend to be loyal to a fault, even to those who are not best friends. I am loyal to companies, my employees, my bosses, decent people, friends, family and of course, my man. I have been loyal to the wrong people in the past and paid a price for it, but at the end of the day, I just can’t change who I am. I think so highly of one’s “duty” as a friend and I do believe that integrity is our most important trait, that I can wildly swing in the opposite direction of one violates my trust, or trust of someone I love. I believe that betraying, lying to, mistreating, badmouthing behind one’s back, being two-faced, dishonest, cruel and backstabbing someone, as well as causing them severe harm permanently erases you from my life and memory bank. And trust me, I have broad shoulders. The amount of crap I can take is quite astounding, so when I remove a person, they deserve it.
I guess most people don’t like confrontation though, and hey, what if they had to admit that they were full of shit? Why would anyone want to tell another to their face that who they are/what they did no longer qualifies them for a spot in your life? If they do get rid of you, it’s via Facebook/MySpace and you won’t be told, you just get deleted.
I went through my Facebook friends list today and deleted quite a few people. Namely those who never talk to me, those who are neither friends, nor business networks/ex-co-workers and add absolutely nothing to my life. No, it doesn’t make me feel bad that Jane Doe, who hasn’t spoken to me in a year is suddenly no longer on my friends list. I didn’t notice her there before, I sure as hell won’t notice her now.
It’s good to know that I have friends! Alas, it’s good to know that I have actual friends, instead of bodies who agree with my shit.
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06.16.09
Posted in Relationships at 1:04 pm by PsychicDonut
I’ve been hearing some stories from friends that make my hair stand up on end, so I felt inspired to write this tribute!
I will not go on a tirade about how evil, mean, or whatever men are. Quite on the contrary! I want to write a blog about the good ones out there, because I tell ya, they are really, really hard to come by. I hate to be painting a bleak picture, but there is truth about the fact that most good men are either taken or gay. I am therefore writing this blog for them. I am writing this blog for guys like my girlfriend’s husbands, and for guys like my own husband. May it give hope to those who have been burnt that THIS is what you can look forward to!
This is a tribute to the guys who try. The guys who do the work, have done the work, have integrity and speak truth. This is a tribute to men who overcome their fears and CHOOSE to be open, kind, honest and sharing, even though it is the harder thing to do. This is a tribute to the ones who are courageous and don’t hide behind excuses, complacency, fear and attitude. This is a tribute to the ones who get up and choose to do the right thing most of the time; the men who are honest with themselves and honest with others. This goes out to the men who care, who had to learn to show their feelings, even when it felt awkward and weak to them. This is about the man who comes home to his woman by choice, the guy who doesn’t mess around on his wife or girlfriend, the one who doesn’t operate from the grass being greener and spending a vast majority of his time finding faults with the woman he is with, so he can justify his own crap. This is about the guy who does not humiliate his partner by hitting on others in front of his partner and feigning lack of knowledge or awareness. This is to the ones who are aware of themselves and aware of how their actions, words, thoughts and feelings affect the ones they love.
This is a tribute to the guy who chooses to learn and become a better man, instead of sticking his head in the sand, pretending that he is “fine,” silencing his issues to death and thinking that asking another for help means he is less. I am applauding the guy who recognizes that it isn’t always about him, who chooses to share himself, his time and “stuff” with the ones he loves and cares for. This is to the great fathers, uncles, cousins, sons, brothers, boyfriends and husbands. This is to the guy who doesn’t need a trophy by his side to make himself feel better. This is about the man who knows who he is and stands firmly in that, and those who at least strive to get there, should he not be there yet.
This is to the guys who send a great big “F” you to all the players, weak minded boys, who hurt the ones who try to love them and make their partners feel bad for being all the things they are not; for blaming the ones who love them to justify their selfishness and bad behaviors. This is for the men who prove to us that the movies are real,that there is romance, love, integrity, honesty and strength in a man, and that he will be there when we need him and keep his vow of loving us for good or worse, fat and thin, old and young, sickness and health, because he cherishes our heart, values our mind and friendship and respects and loves us the same way he respects and loves himself. This is for the men who always want the best for us and gently nudge us to be just that, without making us feel inferior.
I salute you, great husbands and partners of the world, for not having become what society teaches you to be. For having overcome the role of an asshole that is so easily bestowed on you and for not retreating into your shell because your mother was a bitch, your father didn’t care, you got teased in school, or were otherwise marked by the wrong role models. May all you single women, or gay men be blessed with finding one of the good ones, and may you have the strength to dump, or never settle for one of the posers!
I love you, my husband, for being “one of them!”
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