Today I am feeling a bit like George Carlin, being straight-forward without wondering whom I might offend. That’s the mood I am in today and that is the mood I am going to write from!
I love the definition of the English word “friend.” In German we do differentiate between friends and acquaintances, but the sunny American people are just friends with everyone. Hey, walk into any department store. I can guarantee that the people working there are also your friends. After all, they call you names like “honey,” or “sweetie,” just try the Mac counter at Nordstrom’s, you’ll see what I mean.
I used to take Americans so literal when I first came here to the US. I remember, for example, people telling me they’d be at my house at 7 PM and them being in total shock when they showed up at around 9 PM and I’d not only blow a fuse but told them off about integrity. I remember when people told me what a “great friend” I am, even though they barely knew me and I’d look at them saying “friends? You don’t even know me.”
It’s been over 16 years since I have lived here and I have grasped the concept of “friend” in Los Angeles by now. I have learned that there are various degrees of friendship, and that includes the “friends” you may have on MySpace or Facebook. I understand that “friend” does not mean you ever talk to these people (again), or that you don’t necessarily care about them, or like them. I understand that sometimes “friend” is just another word for someone you met a long time ago and for some odd reason need to hold on to, even though they no longer add a thing to your life, or never have to begin with. Friends are also co-workers, exes, the friends of exes, people who do your hair, your eyebrows and people you keep seeing at Starbucks every morning. So many friends are floating around in Los Angeles. How blessed we all are!
There is a whole lot of dishonesty going on in our society. Nowadays you know that you’ve pissed someone off when they delete you from the social networking site, they will not have the guts, or decency to tell you to your face, because “friends” don’t need to actually ever talk to each other anymore. We no longer pick up phones, we don’t write letters, or even e-mails, we bash others openly online (preferably in front of a ton of other people for support) and become socially more and more inapt, as well as bigger cowards.
On another note we generally don’t really seem to give a damn about much anyway, unless it really is about ourselves, or shall I say about our ego getting bruised. We seem to be fine and content to get involved into other people’s life, or tell another about our lives, only on a superficial level, maybe not at all. The less we have to share about us, the better. We are either not loyal to people at all, or loyal for wrong reasons. We think supporting another one’s bs is being a “friend” because it kind of means we don’t really have to confront another’s crap, or god forbid, our own stuff. We are mighty content in shoving things under the carpet and pretend they never happened, and we make sure our “friends” are exactly like that! What a great race we have become.
I have FOUR best friends and overall about a dozen friends. I know a lot of people, they are not my friends and I am cool with that. They are great acquaintances. A friend to me is a person I share common interests with, like talking to, respect and admire and like to share time and space with, or someone I can use as a mentor. A BEST friend is someone who knows my deepest, darkest secrets. This is a person I share my life with, my strengths, my weaknesses, my fears, insecurities, I admit my bullshit to, I expect to keep me straight, and tell me off when I behave like a jackass. My best friends inspire me and continuously push me to become a better person. My best friends are family, and I expect them to be just as loyal to me, as I am loyal to them. Anyone who hurts them is NOT my friend and definitely NOT welcome in my life or close proximity. Should they not be able to defend themselves from someone who has wronged them, I will go into battle for them. I have no quarrels kicking butt for someone who hurt the ones I care about.
Loyalty is tricky for me, because I tend to be loyal to a fault, even to those who are not best friends. I am loyal to companies, my employees, my bosses, decent people, friends, family and of course, my man. I have been loyal to the wrong people in the past and paid a price for it, but at the end of the day, I just can’t change who I am. I think so highly of one’s “duty” as a friend and I do believe that integrity is our most important trait, that I can wildly swing in the opposite direction of one violates my trust, or trust of someone I love. I believe that betraying, lying to, mistreating, badmouthing behind one’s back, being two-faced, dishonest, cruel and backstabbing someone, as well as causing them severe harm permanently erases you from my life and memory bank. And trust me, I have broad shoulders. The amount of crap I can take is quite astounding, so when I remove a person, they deserve it.
I guess most people don’t like confrontation though, and hey, what if they had to admit that they were full of shit? Why would anyone want to tell another to their face that who they are/what they did no longer qualifies them for a spot in your life? If they do get rid of you, it’s via Facebook/MySpace and you won’t be told, you just get deleted.
I went through my Facebook friends list today and deleted quite a few people. Namely those who never talk to me, those who are neither friends, nor business networks/ex-co-workers and add absolutely nothing to my life. No, it doesn’t make me feel bad that Jane Doe, who hasn’t spoken to me in a year is suddenly no longer on my friends list. I didn’t notice her there before, I sure as hell won’t notice her now.
It’s good to know that I have friends! Alas, it’s good to know that I have actual friends, instead of bodies who agree with my shit.
