Yes, this is another “popular” topic that will earn me the “ultimate bitch” award. It’s just that I honestly don’t care these days what people are thinking about me. Thank god for having a happy life, that allows me to freely voice my opinion, without worries about whom I might piss of 
Today I am pondering yet again why people choose to stay friends with people who have not just hurt them, but wronged them on so many levels that it almost qualifies for abuse. I wonder why there doesn’t seem to be a line for some, that when being crossed, qualifies you for permanent removal from their lives. Why did this come up? A very dear friend of mine just got out of a relationship. In order to protect privacy, I will not go into detail and will try my very best to talk about general behaviors. Heck, I will even try to not mention genders!
The person being dumped had been cheated on, lied to, betrayed, put down and hurt on so many levels that I wanted to tell the douche bag who did it off. I have seen this time and time again, there are some real douche bags in this world. Apparently, douche baggery can be found amongst all genders, age groups and cultures, although certain behaviors tend to be pretty universal. One of the biggest tell tale signs of a typical douche bag is acting in totally selfish, unkind, mean, deceptive and cruel ways, while feigning ignorance (I didn’t know!), denial (I didn’t do it), justification (the great excuses they sport!) and my favorite, the fact that they believe themselves to be “good people!”
I’ve had numerous run ins with douche bags of both genders and found that all of them really think that they are a good person! As a matter of fact, they never do anything wrong, never take responsibility for any of their actions (because they claim that they didn’t know or didn’t mean it, or that it wasn’t their fault) and therefore keep doing the same crap over and over. Meanwhile, those who get burned hardly ever totally kick them out of their lives. No, they come up with reasons why it was somehow their fault that they got hurt and they believe themselves to be collateral damage (yeah, I was called that too before) and victims of circumstance. Of course, the fact that those who get burned usually take the high road, walk away with their tails between their legs, licking their wounds and trying to recover doesn’t help. Why? Because when they return less hurt, and when they decide to stand “above it all” and remain the nice, caring people they are, the douche bag finds a way back into their lives by the power of forgiveness.
“Well, he/she is really f*#$ed up. No wonder they did what they did.” And so they keep on milking the generosity, kindness and forgiveness of those who were told to “stand above it” and to “let it go.”
The douche bag never learns a damn thing because there are absolutely no consequences to their behavior. Yesterday, my friend who was “douche bagged” asked me “what good does it do to confront them? It’s not going to change their behavior or who they are.” I thought about it for a moment, and then realized, nope, I am definitely NOT the zen master, or even close to a Dalai Lama. I do believe in certain attributes of astrology and yes, I am a Scorpio rising. I have no problem plotting a douche bag’s demise for a while and strike when the opportunity presents itself. Why? I figured that one out too!
There have been quite a few people in my life who did really horrific things to me. I don’t wanna go into detail but if there would be a heaven and hell, they’d be roasting for an eternity. Most of these people were never brought to justice. I turned the other cheek and walked away, trying to keep my head up high, while it was eating me alive on the inside that I could not confront them. It was eating away at me how they had destroyed certain parts of my being without ever owning up to it, but moving on and doing the same thing over again. I could not let go, because they tugged tail and ran, and were never seen again.
I recently read a book called “Please Stop Laughing At Me” by Jodee Blanco. It was about school bullies. She was severely bullied and abused by her peers in school, beaten, pushed around and ridiculed and when she confronted them years later, one of the answers she had gotten was “Well, you never fought back. You just took it.” It made them feel as if what they were doing to her wasn’t really that bad and they were just being “kids.”
Some of the most powerful experiences of healing in my life came from those who had wronged me, came back years later at times and apologized. Yes, there a few (not many) but a few who returned and owned up to their shit. I have been able to let that stuff go. But each time I watch a friend of mine getting hurt by some lame ass douche, I want to go out and kick ass for them. I want to do for them what I didn’t do for myself and couldn’t do at times. I want to look at the douche, point at him/her and say “I know who you are, no matter what crap you are telling yourself and others. And I do hope that what you did to … will come back to you!”
Yep, not the zen thing to do. Not the thing to do for someone who should be spirituality more evolved and is overall a kind person. But when I hear the stories of friends (not even counting my own) who had been cheated on, lied to, betrayed, used, abused, pushed around by those who claimed to love them, I want to puke. When I hear the reasons why these douches did what they did, I wanna puke even harder. Because apparently none of them “knew what they were doing!” I really like to use a good one I recently heard from a friend, who confronted a douche “I am sorry you feel that way!” Yeah, let’s keep pushing responsibility away, because you didn’t know and hey, this isn’t your problem, right? It is everyone else around you that is screwed up. YOU are such a good person!!!
Meanwhile, all I can say is this: If someone violates the universal laws of friendship, love and/or partnership, please don’t remain friends with them. Delete them out of your address books, Facebooks, MySpace profiles, LJs, picture albums, in-boxes and lives and allow the universe to fill that empty space with someone who is worth it and deserves to be there.
*steps off of her soap box*
Tags: cheaters, douche bags, mean
