We have all heard the scientific explanations, namely that human beings are not meant to be monogamous. We have heard that being monogamous is a learned behavior, usually inforced by hundreds of years of conditioning, mainly through religions and various cultural standards. Some argue that it isn’t quite that easy, given that certain animal species are also monogamous.
I do understand that conditioning plays a huge role in how we conduct ourselves with others. But I also understand how there is one huge part that is at times dismissed, namely free will. Human beings have a tremendous will for survival, and also often one for instant gratification and whim. We are at times rather compulsive creatures and we often get easily distracted by “shiny.” All of this is not necessarily good or bad, but depends on the vows or promises we have given others.
I recently asked the husband of a friend why he doesn’t consider sleeping with another cheating. He said that the mere sex act with another is not what he views as cheating. He considers cheating when people lie about their relationship, when they deny it or hide it. As long as all parties are good, it isn’t cheating, which of course made sense to me.
When I was younger I used to hide for years at my house. I stopped clubbing in my early 20s, because I was pretty confused and messed up in the head and didn’t want to be presented with temptation. I simply stopped putting myself into situations where I could be tempted to stray, while I was going through a time in my life where my convictions and ways of being seemed rather volatile. It became a habit and to this day I won’t go clubbing without my man and I don’t put myself in harms way. I guess one could say I conditioned myself to avoid situations that might be scary for me.
Sure, I am human. I do get attracted to other guys and I might even swoon over one, telling my husband how “hot” this dude is. But after that it usually leaves my brain. I don’t have to turn it into anything else and there are many reasons for it. I have given a promise to my man to be with him and no one else. I do know that being with another would devastate him. I am always aware of the consequences to my actions and simply can’t feign ignorance. I do have free will and chose to be with my husband, not anyone else. Plus, I am a logical Virgo girl and don’t see how a few moments of potential fun could possibly outweigh a loving relationship.
I think the one thing that a lot of cheaters (and I am talking the notorious cheater, who can’t be faithful no matter what) are missing. It is logical, rational understanding of reality. The knowledge that the grass is NOT always greener. The understanding that no one person out there will be enticing or interesting long enough to them. Usually cheating is justified by faults of their partners. People cheat because their partner didn’t give them enough attention, or isn’t sexual enough, etc. But as they move on to another, they usually fail to see that within no time the new partner is also becoming boring and also has flaws. Suddenly it all becomes about feeding one’s ego, about instant gratification, feeding one’s whims, and most importantly, getting attention.
I have noticed that serial cheaters are all starved for attention and usually can’t get enough of it, no matter what. They crave constant flattery and avoid anyone who would require them to be real, open, or working on themselves. I think they are generally very lonely, as they create a mere illusion of love and intimacy. I also think they are never really happy.
Doing the right thing often seems hard. Especially in a world where it is so easily overlooked and excused when one does the wrong thing. However, I think the benefits in the long run outweigh anything else. I do appreciate a good looking guy, especially if he comes with intelligence, a good heart, ambition and drive. Who doesn’t? But I am also very happy to admire him from afar, being friends with him, knowing that I come home to my man who loves me no matter what, finds me exciting and funny no matter what and can’t wait to see me. There is happiness in being wanted and “needed” and happiness in predictability of one’s life.
Maybe as human beings we are hard-wired to be difficult, but at least I can decide just HOW difficult my life has to be 
This is the tamest treatment of ‘cheaters’ that I have ever read from you!
I always figure that if someone is cheating they are not satisfied with their relationship and are looking for what is lacking elsewhere. Either that or they are just horny bastards. Even so, sex for the sake of sex, without the feelings that go with it – the physical act is not the betrayal. The hurt comes in when your significant other finds someone he prefers to you.
I think it is a lot easier for women to uphold monogamy than men, because of nature, but the true cause of cheating is a flawed relationship. Relationships not based on the right things will leave something to be desired and even being in a relationship when one is not ‘ready’ will lead to problems. Cheating isn’t the only bad thing that can result, but it happens more easily in these situations.
Ah, it is true. The people who cheat often desire other things. BUT, sometimes these other things are not caused by one person withholding or not giving them what they need. Sometimes the cheating is caused because human beings often want what they cannot have and because humans often believe that the grass is greener.
Yes, I have gotten “tamer” because I am happier
But then…there is the douche bag blog I wrote, hehe