Alright, I have been accused of this time and time again, and I am doing my very best to learn. The accusation has been that everything to me is black and white and that I am not seeing that sometimes there are gray areas.
I might as well own up to this and admit that I tend to be rigid and that most things to me are, in fact, black or white. I do acknowledge that there is a gray area that needs to be investigated in certain situations. But I do believe that some things in this universe are either black or white. Now, I am not insisting that this is so, hence, if I am wrong, or overseeing something, please do chime in and enlighten me. I am very willing to learn and eager to find out what part of the puzzle I might be missing.
I have always felt that there is no gray area when one is wronging another. So, please do let me know if this statement is incorrect and let me give examples of what I mean.
1. If I cheat on my husband, it’s a black and white thing for me. It’s wrong, because I cheated. One can now examine why people cheat and yet, I will argue that if I took the route of cheating, I wronged my partner.
2. Stealing is wrong. Don’t tell me now you are starving and steal a loaf of bread, because that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about stealing to enrich oneself, or to test and see if one can get away with it. Again, no gray here for me.
3. Hitting or beating another. Let me clarify before we start talking about POWs and other extreme cases. I am talking about hitting or beating your friend, spouse, partner, family member, etc. I happen to think that there is NEVER a need to hit or beat another. And no, spanking my kid on the butt is not what I mean either. The words I chose are “hitting” and “beating!”
I don’t want to continue a list now but I am trying to figure out when I am being rigid/self-righteous, or whatever I have been called before, and when I am not off my rocker in stating that certain things in life are black and white. Yes, I also understand that apparently for others they are not. I understand that what I call rudimentary is not so rudimentary for others. So please do enlighten me, are there black and white “wrongs” that qualify a person as an irrevocable douche, or is any action one takes redeemable.
I am eager to learn the error of my ways 
Tags: black and white, right and wrong
I, for one, agree with every point above.
and I have been tempted, specifically by my 2nd ex-husband and my recent ex-boyfriend, to beat the snot out of another human being- to the former I ended up turning to the wall and pounding my fists on it instead, and when he still refused to leave my house I had to resort to calling 911 (for his protection not mine- but it got him to leave!) As for the exBOY- for many months after we “unofficially” broke up I was tormented by the very real desire to bash his face in with a baseball bat, sooo angry was I at the LIE that is his very being. Instead I shredded everything I could from our relationship, put everything else in a bag and dumped in the shreds (film negatives make very pretty shreds by the way), returned it to him personally and verbally vented my feelings. He had no real response (“I have nothing against you and I think there’s no reason we can’t coexist”- this after he never bothered to call to find out why I wasn’t talking to him after he IGNORED ME IN PUBLIC EVEN WHILE I SAT RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!) but it got the anger out of my system and I was finally able to have closure.
That last relationship taught me how horribly lonely it feels to be neglected in a relationship. At one time I told him that the way he treated me made me want to cheat- but I never did and never would have. For me there is no gray there either (my eventual decision to file for my 2nd divorce came after finding charges to dating lines on our cell phone bill- no proof of any actual meetings but the phone calls were enough for me-and the observation that when I was close to finding out he suddenly became the best husband ever.) But I do feel that it is something that each couple has to decide for themselves whether they feel the relationship is worth saving.
As for the spanking issue- there IS a difference between spanking and beating. And if one is consistent, the spanking becomes unnecessary anyway- the mere threat of it, and the knowledge that if the child does NOT stop that threat WILL be followed through on – is enough to stop the bad behavior. And a spank is just a quick tap or two on the butt, just enough to get the message across. I only remember one time that I had to discipline my son after age 5, and I took him to the ladies restroom first. After that all I had to say was “if you don’t stop we’re going to the ladies room!” My kids are adults now and I never had issues with trouble at school, drugs, or even worrying about them having sex too young and all the potential issues there, and only occasional backtalk (during the teenage years) Meanwhile I hear kids in the store constantly squalling- and the parents ignoring them regardless of the reason for the crying, screaming, or tantrum throwing. And for those who absolutely oppose spanking, there are still ways to discipline one’s children that don’t necessarily involve spanking, but do involve consistent consequences, so that a child does not get away with being a little tyrant. And so many times it’s obvious to me that the bad behavior is really just about the parents’ lack of attention to the child’s needs (not wants!) Actually most of the people I see should never have been allowed to breed anyhow! -but I work in retail, so I’m horribly jaded.
My only issue with stealing is that I just recently had a best friend and co-worker get fired from her job for getting caught while PUTTING BACK something she had considered stealing (out of desperation -long story)- SHE NEVER LEFT THE STORE or even the department WITH IT! Meanwhile, a customer can fill a backpack (or more likely a diaper bag- no joke) FULL of stuff and store security can’t touch them or even SAY ANYTHING until and unless they leave the store without paying. Also – the rest of us cannot even speak to her (my friend) or we risk being considered accomplices and losing our own jobs. That said stealing is still stealing.
I once had a lip liner fall off of the store shelf into my boot (I looked all over the floor for it not knowing it had gotten into my boot)- when I got home and found it there my young daughter read me the riot act! But I had to sneak it back into the store to return it for fear of the situation above happening to me if I brought it to anyone’s attention that I had made it out of the store with it. Luckily I was successful in “returning” it.
So anyhow, I guess if you are “rigid” or “self-righteous” then so am I, because once again I really couldn’t find anything to truly disagree with you on.
Dear Sue! You sound like an amazing woman.
I wished you could read all the comments I get on my Facebook. Maybe you should send me a Facebook invite
This specific blog had over 10 comments. I should also clarify that only one specific “group” of people had called me self-righteous, sittiong on a high horse, preachy, etc. Most people tend to like what I have to say and set me straight if I am a jerk about it.
However, I would argue that I am the type of person who can be persuaded to change her view, when being presented with evidence, or good arguements for being off my rocker. This specific post was written based on a story I heard from someone I very deeply care about. Even though they admitted to being abused in their past relationship, they somehow had decided that their ex was “good at the core” and that they understood why that person acted the way they did.
Meanwile I said “why should I say that there is a gray area in someone cheating on me, lying to me, deceiving me, being physically, emotionally or verbally abusive?” I don’t think there is a gray area in abuse.
Hence, I wasn’t sitting on a high horse when I said what I said, I was merely pointing out that people should have enough self-respect to say “I don’t need to hold on to what they did, but I sure as hell won’t invite them into my life again, or keep memories of them!”
BTW, photos DO burn really well. So do clothing articles given to you
I do like burning pics but I wanted to make a statement to the boy that I didn’t want a “shred” of evidence that we were ever together
Oh and thank you for saying I sound “amazing”! – far from it I’m afraid- I have a few issues I still haven’t conquered but I’m working on it!
Amazing to me is not a person who is perfect, but one who is well aware of one’s “crap” and owns up to it, instead of pointing fingers and blaming others!