As we know, we human beings are rather flaky and we’ll always come up with a million excuses why we don’t do the right thing, and while living in denial is our friend. I am no different in that department and now that I have turned 40 (ugh) I had to realize that I really haven’t been taking care of myself all that well. Perfecting the art of “executive lunching” (wolfing down your lunch while working at your desk), as well as diets, ulcers and plain and simple aging has pretty much sent my metabolism to hell. Plus, smoking didn’t really help the whole health picture either.
It is easy to become comfortable when you are happy. Knowing that my husband not only loves me, but thinks I am hot no matter what, didnt’ really motivate me to do anything more than I did the past few years, namely nothing. When I finally went to the doctor she told me that being 40 means that my body is getting ready for menopause (WTF?!) and therefore only uses half of the fuel it used to use. Hence, eating “normal” will now make me gain weight. Of course, this sent me straight into a hole of self-pity and justifications for why I couldn’t go to the gym. And of course, I blamed gaining 15 lbs on turning 40.
In the past two months I have therefore altered my “head” and started eating differently. I avoided most carbs and ate more protein and greenery. I also tried to avoid processed foods or sugars. Result, none! I didn’t gain any more weight, but sure as hell didn’t lose any either. So, I signed up for hypnotherapy. This helped me to reinforce some good habits about eating, but it didn’t really change my metabolism. Now, as we know, there is really no accountability unless one gives their spoken word and announces their intent to the world. So, with a heavy heart I am doing just that now:
Yes, I have quit smoking. I haven’t told anyone because I wanted to have a bigger period than just a week. I have quit for over a month now, and yes, I have asked my doctor for Wellbutrin, which worked like a charm on me.
Yes, I am eating differently. Fast food is pretty much wiped from the menu and my beloved bread has been reduced to a healthy level and is no longer the main food for me. But, here is the biggest and hardest one of all:
I have spent my hard earned dollars and signed up for THIRTY one-hour sessions with a personal trainer. Three times a week I will swing my wobbly, puddingnesque self into the gym to lose any extra pounds I may have accumulated over the years. *sigh, there it is*
I thank my lovely husband for loving me no matter what and therefore inspire me to become a “better,” healthier and thinner me. I know he never cared and he still looks at me as if I am the prettiest thing ever, but I always felt that it isn’t fair to let myself go, just because I know I am loved. So, where I have been rebellious before (“YOU don’t change me/tell me what to do”), I now feel inspired to do, what I should have done a long time ago, BECAUSE Andrew looks at me and treats me the way he does. I owe him a long and healthy life and eating crap and smoking does not contribute to that.
Now it’s official. My intent has been stated and declared to the universe. Now I HAVE to keep my word. Now I have no vices anymore 
I am including a “before” picture, and while I don’t have the heart to show a “full-body” shot, I think my face tells how much weight I have gained. This was taken on my birthday party and I am officially labeling it the “before picture.”
