Imagine the following scenario. You are in a relationship that lasts for a few years. Within the span of this relationship, your partner hits you, cheats on you, lies to you, uses you and cleans out your bank account. After the relationship ends you find yourself fairly alone, not to mention severely broken. You kind of isolated because you felt too ashamed to tell anyone what really all happened. But eventually, you do open up and tell your closest friends, friends you’ve had for many years. The same friends who then befriend the one who abused you on Facebook/MySpace. How would you feel? And WTF???
I am honestly baffled by the lack of spine, conviction and integrity some people possess. It outrages me how superficial and mindless people often truly are, and how meaningless the term “friend” has become. I am also amazed at how two-faced people can be. They bitch about a person, they have never really anytyhing good to say about someone, but then befriend them on the social networking site of their choice. Really? I mean, excuse my language, but how can you NOT feel like a total inauthentic douche when doing stuff like that? And those who start getting pissed at me right now are probably the ones who fall into these categories!
People have often told me that I should not waste energy on such things. They have told me that I don’t have the right to tell people who they can and cannot be friends with. Guess what? I feel I do! If I call you my BEST friend, and if you truly fall into my close friend group, I absolutely feel warranted in telling you “it really rips my heart out that you side with my abuser!” And before anyone gets bent out of shape again, I am not talking about having a little dispute with someone! I am talking about people who have wronged you so severely, have hurt you so deeply and betrayed you, abused you on a level that violates every single law of friendship and decency. If you are my friend, you would stand for me. That is what friends do!
You know, I am not talking about myself this time. Ha, some probably thought I did! I am talking about someone who means the world to me. For all you jerks who have the nerve to call yourself her/his best friend, you are fired! If you are too lazy to not delete the scum bag who abused your friend and damn near ruined her/him, you are truly either a spineless coward, or dangerously oblivious.
I am all for the concept of forgiveness, I truly am. But I have learned a simple fact in life. Abusers generally remain abusive. Why? Because people look the other way. People do NOT confront them and there is never a single consequence to what they did and the bodies they’ve left in their wake. There are plenty of people out there who are too lazy, too cowardly, too busy to call them on their shit.
People are non-confrontational. They are passive aggressive and “don’t take sides” by keeping their mouth shut, looking the other way and dancing at two weddings (a German phrase). These are the people who don’t call the cops when they hear their neighbor beating the shit out of his children, or witnessing a crime. Is it really to the point where people lack conviction, have no opinions and stand for absolutely nothing but what serves them or their purpose. They make up excuses for continuously doing the wrong thing and choosing the wrong thing. Well, excuse me for not participating.
Yes, I know a huge amount of people. But it keeps becoming abundantly clear why I call such few people my friends. I feel I DO have a right to open my mouth. I am not perfect and I have really screwed up in my life, but when it comes to those I love, I am 200% loyal and dedicated. When I did screw up, I tried to correct it, I owned up to it, I apologized. It is so easy to say that I am judgmental and arrogant, rigid, or whatever label has been bestowed on me. But damn, if I would have had people who stood for me when I was abused as a kid, instead of looking the other way, pretending they didn’t know, I would not feel so strongly about this.
Yes, I am putting a label on you “friends.” You should be ashamed of yourself! I don’t give a flying rat’s ass how I piss anyone off. But while most are too busy and look the other way, it offends the hell out of me what lousy friends some people are. What a lame ass thing to do, to befriend people you consistently bad mouth, or people who have really hurt your close friend. And thanks for giving these jerks a consistent in to your true friend’s page and for making it painfully obvious how superficial you are.
You know, there are people out there who I have gotten in fights with, or had fall outs with. There are people I no longer talk to, but I still would NEVER befriend those who have abused them. I had a friend for a long time who no longer speaks to me. We had numerous fall outs for whatever reasons, but to this day, if I would get a chance to kick the teeth in of the asswipe of a guy she was with for years, who beat her, ruined her credit and ruined her life to a degree, trust me, I’d do it. Another guy, who I also had a huge fight with and no longer talk to, is the best friend of someone I’ve dated. Even though I no longer speak to anyone in this circle, I will always chuckle to myself when I remember how he went to a club and called the cheating scum bag ex of his best friend a “gold digging whore” and walked away. I salute people who do that, even if I had my disagreements with them. THAT is a sign of character and a good friend, because I would do the same!
Some people are just scum and that anyone sides with them, befriends them, defends them, etc. seriously offends me, and sure as hell disqualifies them of any position of friendship or trust in my life. Sometimes doing the crime is just as bad as being indifferent and looking the other way! Think about that for a moment!
