I found this article today and started laughing:
Why was this so funny? Because I have been on the receiving end of strange and awful gifts before. Luckily not too many times, but I do remember only one person handing me a whole bunch of gifts, one more awful than the other. Let’s recount what he gave me, and oh, none of it was wrapped. Here are the gifts, which were stacked up on my desk:
1. A self-made onion colored scarf. I assume he got it from his lost and found station at work. The scarf was in a Ziplock bag
2. A golf umbrella. I later on saw the exact same one at Albertson’s in the check-out lane for $5.99
3. Gloves – size L (if you know my hands, that by itself is funny)
4. A copy of his CD. His music was horrid and my roommate and I later on used said CD to play Frisbee and then break it.
5. A portable CD player
6. A tin of girl scout cookies…from his daughter’s batch…which I helped sell at my office.
To this day, no one has ever beaten the amount of thoughtless disrespect this prick showed. I should also mention that he, to this day, ranks number one on the list of douche bags encountered in my life.
Now, on a lighter note 
Gifts ARE important! To me they are. Not the amount spent on them, but the thought put into it. If someone gives me a nice smelling candle, preferably pumpkin or apple cider scented, I am happy. Handing me a gift certificate for Von’s = not happy, even if the gift certificate would be for $100. Why? Because the second gift, even much more valuable from a monetary point of view, would clearly show a lack of effort and total disregard for who I am. I’d be disappointed. No, I would never shun a gift. And trust me, when the above set of items were given, I thanked him, smiled and then locked myself in the bathroom to wipe off the tears.
Reading “rules” on what to give women makes me laugh. Apparently, I am not a typical woman. I would absolutely be happy about a vacuum cleaner, if it is a nifty robot kind, hehe. I remember a friend giving me a Swiffer for a house-warming gift. Never has there been a happier Virgo! We love practical gifts, given that we ask for it/need it. I asked my husband for a robot coffee machine this year and got it!
I don’t think it is fair to answer the question “what do you want for Christmas” with “nothing.” Why? Because women hardly ever mean that. They end up being hurt when the poor guy takes them literal. Hence, I do say what I like, want, etc. and I definitely would not say “nothing” unless I actually meant it.
Now, this year is different, because my poor husband is working every single day, including Saturday and Sundays, at a minimum of 12 hours. When would he have the time to go shopping for anything? He doesn’t even get to buy groceries. Hence, I stock up his fridge when I go up to see him on the weekend. But then, Andrew is so thoughtful in all other ways throughout the year that I would never feel that he forgot about me. Andrew never forgets about me. Hence, he is allowed to be “giftless.” His love is the biggest gift for me.
For the sake of good humor, I would like to hear what bizarre gifts you may have gotten from a significant other. Interestingly enough, whenever we do share stories like this, it turns out that predominantly former significant others gave us shitty gifts. Which reminds me of my bestest friend. Her Muppet ex gave her for their anniversary the following: a paper weight from CVS! For dinner he took her out for pizza!
Happy Holidays, and don’t be a Muppet, giving colon cleansing kits to your woman!
