I have a fascination with astrology. I have “studied” it since I was 15 years old and have a pretty damn good understanding of star signs and how they work. Hence, I figured I should make up Carmenator’s list of bad astrological traits. Why focus on the good sides, if you can rip on the bad ones. And since I am an equal opportunity hater, all signs are equally ripped to shreds, including my own, the Virgo.
Capricorn
Oh yeah, let’s date the downer and ultimate pessimist. The one who sees the glass as half empty and usually has the spontaneity of a pet rock. You want excitement? This is NOT the partner to give it to you. They also tend to have a sense of entitlement and prefer “arm candy” or how they appear to others, over real substance. Capricorns feel a need to complain a lot and are never satisfied.
Aquarius
Yay, the sign of crazy nuts and sociopaths. Do you want no commitment but tons of roller coaster behavior that makes no sense and will probably include cheating, then this is the sign for you! Hey, on the bright side they DO believe all the conspiracy theories are true, which turns them into paranoid schizophrenics. Walking down the street with an Aquarian is good times. They can frequently be heard saying things like “HE IS ONE OF THEM!”
Pisces
Pisces are awesome…as doormats. They tend to have no self esteem and drown their sorrow with either tons of alcohol, or lots of drugs. Anything, really, to help the little fishy escape reality and responsibility. When they feel they have been abused enough, they’ll wander off with someone else who tends to be just as crazy as the one they’ve left. They ARE relationship experts…NOT! And just like Cancers, it is never their fault.
Aries
Want to get in a fight? Pick an Aries. They love to argue for the sake of argument. They love getting a rise out of you, tend to sport smart ass remarks and feel that the rules don’t apply to them. Let’s not forget that the actual “ram” image already says it, stubborn as hell! Aries always think they are right, no matter what. Unlike other “right” people though, they insist on their “righteousness.” Tact is also highly overrated for an Aries.
Taurus
Ah, another earth sign. This one might be the only sign out there that can easily compete with the Capricorn when it comes to boredom. Except that the Taurus tends to be lazy on top of being a bore. Want to have wild sex? The ox will only be interested if you dangle a sandwich in his face. Moving fast is NOT his/her friend, neither is getting things done. They pout and tend to get passive aggressive.
Gemini
Want to be with a master manipulator? The twin will be a good bet for one. Geminis are intelligent, and mental nut cases. They ARE called “twins” for a reason and there are two sides to them, both of which are crazy. They shine with smart ass comments and are usually superficial, like their fellow air brethren, the Libra and Aquarian. A Gemini needs to be with someone who is good looking. They prefer good looking over character, which is why they usually end up in relationships with nutcrackers.
Cancer
They have a motto “woe is me” or “whahaa.” The cancer is always misunderstood. No one loves them, they shine with low self-esteem and nothing is their fault. They are also master manipulators, but unlike the Geminis they manipulate emotionally. They have more issues than a Hollywood magazine stand and cry a lot about spilled milk. The Cancer gets their feelings hurt about every 5 minutes and it will always be YOUR fault.
Leo
Leos don’t go to a party, they ARE the party. They shine with an ego larger than life, they need to be the center of attention and turn into true jerks if they don’t get it. They are passive aggressive and if you don’t get the “subtle” hints they become viscous and mean. They are a legend in their own minds and feel they deserve everything and everyone. Leos are demanding, obsessive, hyper sensitive and jealous. They are also bullies.
Virgo
The industrial maiden. Another fine example of pessimism, nit picking and constant nagging. The Virgo always knows what’s best for you, and everyone else. She is as much fun as getting a cavity filled at the dentist office and finds herself alone a lot. That is because most of her friends ran away from her constant nagging and judgment. The Virgo hardly ever gets anywhere in life, because she “loves to operate in the background.” She bitches and whines about it a lot, but her fear of success usually keeps her where she is at.
Libra
They do enjoy the finer things in life, but don’t really like working for them. Libras can make it an art form to marry well. They tend to have no opinion and flip flop on all issues as much as a leaf that blows in the wind. They won’t have your back in a fight, because they see “both sides of the equation” and therefore pair up well with the equally indecisive Gemini. It’s not that they are too shy to voice their opinion, they simply won’t have one; which is a good thing, you’ll never be wrong.
Scorpio
Scorps are fine friends to have, if you wanna die. Cross them in any shape or form and it’s bad times. They never forgive, are notoriously vicious and hold grudges, for years! They can be another “glass half empty” kinda person, except that they do it with a superior “I only believe in what can be proven” attitude. They know your deepest darkest secrets and WILL use them against you if necessary. They are also very ambitious and have no problem screwing their way to the top. Hey, whatever it takes!
Sagittarius
Such jolly characters they are! They suffer from diarrhea of the mouth and never hold back. Diplomacy is not their strong trait. They fall in love very quickly and are willing to move across continents to be with their love. Of course, they fall also out of love equally as quickly and become bored with anyone who is “mainstream.” Which translates into anyone stable. Sages don’t usually get far in life because they can’t be bothered to hold on to anything for longer periods of time without getting bored.
