01.30.10
Posted in Relationships at 4:20 pm by PsychicDonut
I want to post this for one of my friends. I love you, girl and screw the Muppet. You deserve so much better! It’s German, but I translated it:
Mach Dein Licht an – Ich und Ich
Here is the translation:
A love is ending
You are left in the dark
It’s finally over
There is nothing you can change
An icy rain is falling
Straight into your life
It’s going down and not up
Put your winter jacket on and don’t give up
Turn your light on
And keep going
Turn your light on
And keep going
Illuminate the streets
Let the stars pale when you shine
Illuminate the shores
How deep is the river supposed to get
That you’re crying
Turn your light
and keep going
Turn your light on
And keep going
Someone deceived you
What’s so bad about that?
It was a false label
What is written on it
Is not what it contained
Your waterproof plan
unfortunately didn’t work out
Who knows what it is good for
Come on, you won’t give up now?
Turn your light on
And keep going
Turn your light on
And keep going
Illuminate the streets
Let the stars pale when you shine
Illuminate the shores
How deep is the river supposed to get
That you’re crying
Turn your light on
Turn your light on
Turn your light on
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07.23.09
Posted in Human Behavior, Relationships at 1:01 pm by PsychicDonut
We have all heard the scientific explanations, namely that human beings are not meant to be monogamous. We have heard that being monogamous is a learned behavior, usually inforced by hundreds of years of conditioning, mainly through religions and various cultural standards. Some argue that it isn’t quite that easy, given that certain animal species are also monogamous.
I do understand that conditioning plays a huge role in how we conduct ourselves with others. But I also understand how there is one huge part that is at times dismissed, namely free will. Human beings have a tremendous will for survival, and also often one for instant gratification and whim. We are at times rather compulsive creatures and we often get easily distracted by “shiny.” All of this is not necessarily good or bad, but depends on the vows or promises we have given others.
I recently asked the husband of a friend why he doesn’t consider sleeping with another cheating. He said that the mere sex act with another is not what he views as cheating. He considers cheating when people lie about their relationship, when they deny it or hide it. As long as all parties are good, it isn’t cheating, which of course made sense to me.
When I was younger I used to hide for years at my house. I stopped clubbing in my early 20s, because I was pretty confused and messed up in the head and didn’t want to be presented with temptation. I simply stopped putting myself into situations where I could be tempted to stray, while I was going through a time in my life where my convictions and ways of being seemed rather volatile. It became a habit and to this day I won’t go clubbing without my man and I don’t put myself in harms way. I guess one could say I conditioned myself to avoid situations that might be scary for me.
Sure, I am human. I do get attracted to other guys and I might even swoon over one, telling my husband how “hot” this dude is. But after that it usually leaves my brain. I don’t have to turn it into anything else and there are many reasons for it. I have given a promise to my man to be with him and no one else. I do know that being with another would devastate him. I am always aware of the consequences to my actions and simply can’t feign ignorance. I do have free will and chose to be with my husband, not anyone else. Plus, I am a logical Virgo girl and don’t see how a few moments of potential fun could possibly outweigh a loving relationship.
I think the one thing that a lot of cheaters (and I am talking the notorious cheater, who can’t be faithful no matter what) are missing. It is logical, rational understanding of reality. The knowledge that the grass is NOT always greener. The understanding that no one person out there will be enticing or interesting long enough to them. Usually cheating is justified by faults of their partners. People cheat because their partner didn’t give them enough attention, or isn’t sexual enough, etc. But as they move on to another, they usually fail to see that within no time the new partner is also becoming boring and also has flaws. Suddenly it all becomes about feeding one’s ego, about instant gratification, feeding one’s whims, and most importantly, getting attention.
I have noticed that serial cheaters are all starved for attention and usually can’t get enough of it, no matter what. They crave constant flattery and avoid anyone who would require them to be real, open, or working on themselves. I think they are generally very lonely, as they create a mere illusion of love and intimacy. I also think they are never really happy.
Doing the right thing often seems hard. Especially in a world where it is so easily overlooked and excused when one does the wrong thing. However, I think the benefits in the long run outweigh anything else. I do appreciate a good looking guy, especially if he comes with intelligence, a good heart, ambition and drive. Who doesn’t? But I am also very happy to admire him from afar, being friends with him, knowing that I come home to my man who loves me no matter what, finds me exciting and funny no matter what and can’t wait to see me. There is happiness in being wanted and “needed” and happiness in predictability of one’s life.
Maybe as human beings we are hard-wired to be difficult, but at least I can decide just HOW difficult my life has to be 
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06.16.09
Posted in Relationships at 1:04 pm by PsychicDonut
I’ve been hearing some stories from friends that make my hair stand up on end, so I felt inspired to write this tribute!
I will not go on a tirade about how evil, mean, or whatever men are. Quite on the contrary! I want to write a blog about the good ones out there, because I tell ya, they are really, really hard to come by. I hate to be painting a bleak picture, but there is truth about the fact that most good men are either taken or gay. I am therefore writing this blog for them. I am writing this blog for guys like my girlfriend’s husbands, and for guys like my own husband. May it give hope to those who have been burnt that THIS is what you can look forward to!
This is a tribute to the guys who try. The guys who do the work, have done the work, have integrity and speak truth. This is a tribute to men who overcome their fears and CHOOSE to be open, kind, honest and sharing, even though it is the harder thing to do. This is a tribute to the ones who are courageous and don’t hide behind excuses, complacency, fear and attitude. This is a tribute to the ones who get up and choose to do the right thing most of the time; the men who are honest with themselves and honest with others. This goes out to the men who care, who had to learn to show their feelings, even when it felt awkward and weak to them. This is about the man who comes home to his woman by choice, the guy who doesn’t mess around on his wife or girlfriend, the one who doesn’t operate from the grass being greener and spending a vast majority of his time finding faults with the woman he is with, so he can justify his own crap. This is about the guy who does not humiliate his partner by hitting on others in front of his partner and feigning lack of knowledge or awareness. This is to the ones who are aware of themselves and aware of how their actions, words, thoughts and feelings affect the ones they love.
This is a tribute to the guy who chooses to learn and become a better man, instead of sticking his head in the sand, pretending that he is “fine,” silencing his issues to death and thinking that asking another for help means he is less. I am applauding the guy who recognizes that it isn’t always about him, who chooses to share himself, his time and “stuff” with the ones he loves and cares for. This is to the great fathers, uncles, cousins, sons, brothers, boyfriends and husbands. This is to the guy who doesn’t need a trophy by his side to make himself feel better. This is about the man who knows who he is and stands firmly in that, and those who at least strive to get there, should he not be there yet.
This is to the guys who send a great big “F” you to all the players, weak minded boys, who hurt the ones who try to love them and make their partners feel bad for being all the things they are not; for blaming the ones who love them to justify their selfishness and bad behaviors. This is for the men who prove to us that the movies are real,that there is romance, love, integrity, honesty and strength in a man, and that he will be there when we need him and keep his vow of loving us for good or worse, fat and thin, old and young, sickness and health, because he cherishes our heart, values our mind and friendship and respects and loves us the same way he respects and loves himself. This is for the men who always want the best for us and gently nudge us to be just that, without making us feel inferior.
I salute you, great husbands and partners of the world, for not having become what society teaches you to be. For having overcome the role of an asshole that is so easily bestowed on you and for not retreating into your shell because your mother was a bitch, your father didn’t care, you got teased in school, or were otherwise marked by the wrong role models. May all you single women, or gay men be blessed with finding one of the good ones, and may you have the strength to dump, or never settle for one of the posers!
I love you, my husband, for being “one of them!”
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